Sixty years ago you were considered poor if you were dying on the tarmac from starvation. Thankfully, in 2019 we have designed new and improved poverty criteria and even an underprivileged citizen can chew on a miserable piece of dried bread every second Tuesday.
The wealth indicator of this glorious era is the quality of the food. Quantity is dead, thanks to hydroponic greenhouses in Antarctica and turbocharged cow manure.
Let me level with you. If you eat 7 times a week at Mc Dee’s and you only buy noodles, 5kg-packets of cereal and kegs of milk from the super market, I have some bad news for you: You are as penniless as my piggy bank after my summer vacation. Poor you.
If you want to improve your social status you need to start paying attention to what you are inserting in that hole you call mouth.
Output is directly dependent to the input to your body:
- Garbage IN —> Garbage OUT
- 1/4 pounder burger IN —> Uranium-236 OUT
- 1 ripe Haiwan papaya IN —> Pile of golden nuggets OUT
I have the remedy for you though.
Escape the bottomless barrel of poor plebeians by elevating your lifestyle, your health and the global GDP by inserting proper high quality carbohydrates and proteins down your esophagus.
Your daily diet must look like this:
Breakfast: Start your day with delicious and juicy Portuguese Sardines and Italian cherry tomatoes.
Lunch: Continue with a 250-gr fillet steak of blonde Galician castrated bull and a few spoonfuls of Thai jasmine rice. Serve everything with a zest of organically grown, organically picked, organically dried and organically shipped oregano from Corsica.
Dinner: Finish your day like a champ, with the best dinner Mother Earth has to offer: a chicken pie from backyard ducks from Atlantis and a slice of Normandian Camembert.
This is what non-poor people call proper food. A full day of breath-taking culinary experiences. You can almost listen your social status growing a few centimeters just by reading the dietary plan.
If you worry that you will need to break the bank in order to fully embrace the above lifestyle, you are goddamn right. Status and self-importance comes neither for free nor on the cheap.
So if you want to embrace this lifestyle you should secure some extra buckaroos in your wallet for your luxurious grocery shopping.
In case you have no other available option you can always borrow money from your Mc-Donalds-eating friends. I am sure that they hold some extra cash for emergencies like this.
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