How dare you to assume my clients - the 10 hens - will be equally efficient every day, you capitalist pig? It is complete nonsense to expect us to produce 1 egg * 10 hens for 10 days. We will never sign such a contract since you are failing to provide us with the humane conditions in order to be as productive as you want them.
So let’s settle my clients operating requirements first:
- All 10 hens need to follow a proper dietary plan full of nutritious corn and veggies. 3 meals per day plus dessert on Sundays.
- All 10 hens need a proper coop in order to provide their egg-laying services unobscured by the adverse weather conditions and their natural predators.
- All 10 hens need to be compensated on a minimum wage regardless of outcome. A performance bonus is not obligatory but will definitely improve the morale and the productivity of the top performers Kiki and Amelia.
- All 10 hens need to obtain health insurance and a 5-year pension plan. You should also offer full-year gym membership to all my clients plus an annual peck check.
- On weekend and bank holidays all egg-laying activities are halted, no questions asked.
All the above conditions are non-negotiable. The sooner you will provide us with the above, the sooner we can start negotiating about your “10-day egg quota”.
But, my buddy ol’ pall Mc Donald, you need to keep in mind that hens’ productivity is easily affected by their psycological state and their anxiety levels. A fixed contract will not cover your egg aspirations and will only give my clients performance stress.
So, I propose that we see each other as business partners and we sign a distributorship contract. My clients will produce the eggs and you will sell them with a premium - let’s say 15,0% - and we all go home happy.
We can guarantee 100 eggs per 10-days (with plus/minus 10% deviation). You do not bother with the egg-laying and we do not mess with your selling.
We lay the eggs - You sell the eggs - We get our money - You keep your cut.
Easiest business model of the century. If this sounds interesting to you, we can further discuss on the rest of the details.
Otherwise, do not bust our eggs and let us know as quickly as possible to search for a different distributor. Mc Farland has equipped his chicken coops with Netflix and individual TVs so we are very interested in a partnership with him as well.
With chicken respect,
Thanos aka the Rooster, and the 10 hens.
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