Right of passage for insane requests: Granted.
Excellent. Give me a second before I indulge in this one.
*shouts like a maniac towards living room*
“Alexa play Eye of the Tiger”
*epic intro starts in the background*
Ahhh. Much better.
So… Luxuries that I need in my life.
I have only one request: an old-school SNES controller with programmable buttons. You can also call it my own version of genie in the bottle that could help me with a “few” personal lifestyle improvements.
Player #2 just joined the game. Double controllers, double the control, double the fun.
I would first program the 4 colorful buttons in the most vital improvements I need:
Blue X button: Instant Laundry and outfit matching.
One light press of this button and all my laundry is done instantaneously. My shirts are dry cleaned and perfectly ironed and then placed back in my wardrobe. My trousers and sweaters smell perfectly and my sports clothes are also placed back in the right drawer. It also categorizes my clothes based on the best possible color and style combinations, so I will look stylish and sharp every day.
Green Y button: Perfect food every time.
I love cooking but picking the proper quality ingredients takes a lot of time (plus moneyzzz). I will never have to pick up ingredients for any kind of recipe myself again. I will just hit the green button and a package with all I need will be delivered at my door step. Thai food, Mediterranean cuisine, South American cuisine and even Indian delicacies. Just name it. It doubles as a sophisticated sommelier wine picker.
Yellow B button: They see me sleepin’, they hatin’ button.
This button offers the proper trade-off between sleeping and not wasting time sleeping. I press the yellow button from heaven and I immediately sleep for 8 hours straight. while the time goes 4 times slower (or the time goes 4 times faster for me).
What does that mean? I sleep 8 hours, but only 2 hours pass. I can sleep 3 hours later and wake up 3 hours earlier and still be fresh as a cucumber. I can even try to start training to run a Marathon and not affect my daily routine at all.
Red A button: “A” stands for Awesome, or for something that I forget about
I press the A button and the controller asks me kindly “What have you lost again, you dingus?”. I just say with my calm and melodic voice “I lost my house keys”. “They are in your jacket, inner pocket. For the 4th time…”. I do not think I need to argue more about this button.
D-Pad and Start and Select buttons:
All the smaller tasks and chores that I need to be done are listed in a small menu. I just need to press “Start” and search for them with the D-pad and finally press select. Imagine sitting at your couch and pressing “turn off lights” via the controller. Pure awesomeness.
(I am not lazy - I am not lazy - I am not lazy - I am not lazy - I am not lazy…).
Last but not least, some button combos:
Up+Down+Down+Right+A+B+Left: Instant 15.000 Thousand Euros. Cold hard cash. Repeat as many times as you please to reach your desired amount.
5*Select+Red button: Evacuate the building/block/neighborhood in the next 60 seconds. I just pressed the self-destruction combo. Why I need this? Well, you know… In case Sauron tries to steal my precious.
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