The realization of being an asshole is a maturing experience, and it happens in different points in life depending on one's personality.
A hyper disagreeable person will realize that they are an asshole from very early on in their adult life or even back in their teen years. Hyper disagreeable people are the driving force in every ecosystem or group who wants to get more than what they deserve or even need.
Some might say that they are assholes by nature.
For me being a hyper agreeable person the journey to assholery was very different. It came very late in my life and it sealed officially my adulthood. It acted as a milestone that my childish naivety and harmlessness have abandoned me for good.
Hyper agreeable people become assholes by design. And that happens because by nature we do not want to harm or to wrong the other person.
Becoming an asshole was part of my lifelong project of learning how to defend my rights and my interest. Because as a typical hyper agreeable person I am kind and generous, and I am striving to help as many people as I can without expecting something in return.
I would not consider my modus operandi as being an asshole. But it is a skill I have developed after almost three years of working in a multinational company and having to cope with multiple stakeholders in a plethora of levels.
I was played by the system, and I was getting very little in return. Not the ideal for me. I had to become one to make the system work for me when I need it.
There was no eureka moment which turned me into an asshole, but it was more of a realization of how I argument my views now in comparison to 1 or 2 years ago. But if I had to choose one of the realization moments I would include one recent dialogue with a colleague.
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Colleague: “… I was informed that there is a problem with the [XYZ procedure] and they are requesting someone to fix it. I think we need to resolve it.”
Me: “My hourly rate is too high to bother with things like that these days. I think they need to fix it themselves”
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Being an asshole does not mean that you are necessarily a bad person. It means that you know your true value, and you are not willing to settle for less.
It is a liberating skill to master.
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