The Ultimate Guide of Unconventional Things to do Before a Job Interview
8–10 hours before your upcoming job interview and your knees are dancing makarena, your stomach is twisting around like a Rubik’s cube and your brain is having Vietnam War Flashbacks of previous underwhelming (*cough* embarrasing *cough*) interviews.
Good luck with trying to get some hours of sleep.
Regardless of the number of times I have exposed myself to this evaluation procedures, they always will make me bite the last millimeters of my nails the night before they happen.
In my attempt, to balance my karma I have prepared a non-exhaustive list of the things that have worked for my close friends and me.
Treat yourselves and thank me later.
What to do the 24 hours before the interview
- One glass of wine removes the stress. Two glasses remove your taboos. Three glasses remove your problems. Four glasses remove the walls around you. Use this wisely.
- Do some Yoga or other relaxing exercises for at least 45 minutes. Have a soul-soothing shower immediately after. (Avoid crying in the fetus position if you can help it)
- Try to find a remote location, such as a deserted barn in the middle of nowhere or a dark basement. Use this as your panic retreat HQ.
- Find a capable shaman and offer him your first-born to turbocharge your energy field and your charisma.
- Pray to Zeus. He knows from thunders and stuff.
- Buy a balaclava, a baseball club, a roll of duct tape and a small bottle of chloroform. Avoid imported products and support your local producers.
- By using any combination of the items above, kidnap your main interviewer 24 hours ahead of your meeting and lock him in your panic retreat HQ.
- You have 24 hours to convince them what a dedicated, ethical and hard-working individual you are. Try to improve the chemistry between you two with the assistance of team building activities. Dance the Hokey Pokey, break pinatas or do some gardening. Sky is the limit. Also the handcuffs.
- Time to prepare for your interview: Go home, comb your sleek pompadour and straighten your fringe. Put on your most preppy clothes and the lucky pendant your half-gypsy grandma gave you.
- Release the interviewer and drive him (or her) to the interview location.
- Cross your fingers (as if you need it).
Good luck from me.
P/s: Unpopular opinions claim that polishing your resume, reading the job description carefully ahead of time and having a quick exorcism can also help you land the job.